Wet In The Rain
by Ellis McDohl
Summary: These are McDohl's thoughts before, during and after the war and everytime it rained hard. Divided in small chapters.
1. Default Chapter

"Wet In The Rain"  
by: Ellis McDohl  
first entry: January 14, 2002 (6:44 pm)  
last entry: January 14, 2002 (8:03 pm)  
disclaimer: They're not mine!!  
  
Author's notes:  
Hello. I've always loved Suikoden especially Lord McDohl because of his sad fate. I hope I got the emotions right here. I was playing it (again) the other day. I've not much time to write because of exams. I'm just going to fix the errors when I'm done. If you'd like to flame me, It's okay. Just please go easy...  
I hope you enjoy.  
  
Ellis McDohl  
*******************************************************************  
  
"Wet In The Rain"  
Chapter One: Mother  
  
  
I was only a child of three yet I remember it as well as if it had only been yesterday. The house was very still. The only sound I could hear was the tickling of the clock in my room. I heard sounds of footsteps in the hall, very vaguely, and whispers trying to repress themselves. Yet they could not.  
  
I sat by my window, looking out as the rain fell. It was in the middle of afternoon but the skies seemed so dark as though it was night. I did not mind it at first. I never did, when it rained. My mother used to always keep me company when the rain fell. She would sing me songs of lands faraway where the beautiful winter moon was full and bright.  
  
She would tell me stories with her sweet voice and would kiss me with her soft lips, her long, silky hair slipping forward and she would smile. Her face like an angel.  
  
My father would always stand beside her, smiling his gentle smile. They looked so happy and contented and I loved them both. Gremio, I would see, standing behind them. He looked a little awkward but I loved him too.  
  
"Good night, my sweet child..." My mother would whisper.  
  
But that was not the case now. I didn't know what had happened then but my mother was not around this time. Gremio was no where to be seen and my father had locked himself their bedroom for hours on end.  
  
I did not go out my room that day. I only waited for the gentle face of my mother to put me to bed.  
  
But my mother didn't come.  
  
It had been like this for three days now. I would only go inside their room to see her lying on the bed, looking so tired. Her lips had lost their sweet smile and she looked thinner and paler. I knew something was wrong but I didn't voice out my thoughts.  
  
I normally didn't.  
  
I turned to the door. Still waiting.  
  
There was a slight creaking and I saw the door slowly opening. I smiled, thinking it was my mother but the one who entered was Gremio. My smile died away. But there was something wrong because I saw his face...  
  
"Y-Young Master..." He called.  
  
"Gremio...?" I said as I rose from my seat.  
  
He took a few faltering steps forward but he stopped and stood aside, hanging his head. I saw a few drops of tears in his blue eyes, which I thought I didn't really see. Then my father came in, his face looked graver and he looked older. He walked in, knelt down beside me and put his arms around me, holding me close.  
  
"My boy..." He whispered hoarsely, his voice trembling. "It's just you and I now..." He looked into my eyes, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. "Mother's gone to a better place..."  
  
And he embraced me tighter, hiding his face behind me. I couldn't see his face but I knew he was crying. Gremio was crying too. But their tears were silent.   
  
I didn't cry because I had no tears.  
  
The rain fell harder, beating against the window panes. A loud clash of thunder was heard. I was inside the house, safely in my room, but then, I was still wet with tears of my father which was as cold as the rain...  
  
That was when I started to believe that when it rained hard, it meant that it would take someone precious from me...  
  
To be continued... 


	2. Chapter Two: Taken Away

"Wet In The Rain"  
by: Ellis McDohl  
first entry: January 14, 2002 (8:05 pm)  
last entry: January 14, 2002 (8:31 pm)  
disclaimer: Not mine and never will be!!  
  
Author's note:  
Hello again! Sorry 'bout that!! But I can't change that. I knew I didn't know him that well. I want to but can't. anyway, here's another one. It's a little short too just like before and once again, I'm awfully sorry for that huge error I made.  
I hope you'd enjoy.  
  
Ellis mcdohl  
********************************************************  
"Wet In The Rain"  
by: Ellis McDohl  
  
Chapter Two: Taken Away  
  
  
My father told me, a few years later, that my mother died of an ailment. He didn't say what it was but even if he didn't say it, I still knew. My father only cried that once and no more. He said I was very brave not to cry when I found out.  
  
The others there whispered that it was probably because I was too young to understand anything-about death, about life-they just didn't know... They didn't know I knew more about it than they did. I don't know why I knew but I understood very well.  
  
But I didn't cry.  
  
I never cried tears. I had no tears... I was different...  
  
It was raining again, years later. I was in the Cleo's room, looking out the window. I had gotten rid of the fear of thunder and lightning and left it along with my childhood. I had grown up a little, perhaps, not just physically but in other aspects as well.  
  
I was fifteen years old and Ted, my best friend was lying on the bed before me, wet with the rain and wounded. The imperial guards were after him and somehow I knew that this was coming. I don't know why but there was something about today that told me of these things.  
  
Ted had entrusted me, the Soul Eater Rune. I felt its dark intentions and I felt its curse but somehow, I knew this was all going to happen. It always did, when it rained hard... All those things happened when it rained...  
  
Not soon after that, Pahn came back into the manor with the imperial soldiers. I rose and followed Gremio and Cleo out the room. They've come to take Ted away but I could not let them do it. But I made a promise to him I knew I had to keep so we had to escape and leave him...  
  
It was raining and it was cold. Just like the tears my father had cried back then when my mother died. I still remember it well. It was raining like this. But my father was not holding me close this time.  
  
It was Gremio who was clutching my hand, leading me away from where I've lived since infancy.  
  
I didn't know where we should go. Perhaps we should go north to where my father is. Maybe he could help us. But now we're branded as fugitives. What would my father say...?  
  
But right now, we ran, splashing the puddles as we did, and we were wet in rain...  
  
To be continued... 


	3. Chapter Three: Gremio

"Wet In The Rain"  
by: Ellis McDohl  
first entry: January 14, 2002 (5:26 pm)  
last entry: January 14, 2002 (6:41 pm)  
disclaimer: Not mine!  
  
  
Chapter three: Gremio  
  
I walked along with my head hanging low, following the others in front of me. I was walking but I could barely feel the ground underneath me. The grass cracked as my feet crushed them beneath the sole of my shoes.   
  
Before me, I heard the voices of my men. There were whispers and murmurs of things and rumors I did not quite hear and didn't need to because I knew they knew what had happened in the prison I left behind...  
  
Viktor was walking in front of me, clutching something wrapped in cloth that I could not see and did not care for at the moment. Everything was too painful. Flik walked beside me, stealing glances at me when he could. I could see his sad eyes. I could see them because he knew the pain I was going to.   
  
Gremio had just died...  
  
All because of me... All because he wanted to protect me.   
  
Tears threatened to spill from my eyes but they did not fall. Because I was not allowed to cry my tears. I could not cry because I was born without tears.   
  
I stopped walking and they all turned to me. They didn't speak and they didn't need to. Above me, I could hear the rumbling of the sky. I look up and see, not the vast, blue sky, but the racing dark clouds of a storm.   
  
It was going to rain. Lightning struck, cutting the now dark sky, clearly like a knife. A loud clash of thunder followed.  
  
When I was a child I would sit up awake on my bed, frightened of the loud clash of thunder and the beating raindrops on my window. I was afraid of it all. Maybe it was because I was afraid the rain was going to take away those who I held dear. Gremio would come into the room trying to comfort me.  
  
I did not cry then but I was afraid and I trembled. But Gremio would whisper words to assure me that nothing of the sort would happen. He would hold me close in a warm embrace and I would stop being afraid...  
  
The raindrops started falling on us. My men did not protest, even as the rain fell on us. My greatest fear had just been realized.  
  
The rain had taken away one I held dear. And in my heart I knew this was not the first. Nor shall it be the last...  
  
I look up at the sky. It was dark as though it was night. I closed my eyes, letting the raindrops fall on my face, and stream down. The heavens seemed to know what was happening and grieved with me. I grieved so many times but there were no tears.   
  
Then, I remembered... That day I ran away from home, so many months ago, it was raining too...  
  
...And I was also wet in the rain...  
  
To be continued... 


	4. Chapter Four: Father

"Wet In The Rain"  
by: Ellis McDohl  
first entry: January 14, 2002 (8:33 pm)  
last entry: January 14, 2002 (9:23 pm)  
  
  
Chapter Four: Father  
  
Many people had told me, that I looked so like my father. I had his face, his courage. And yet I was not. I was different from my father. More so because of my golden eyes. That was what they said. These eyes that did not falter nor cried any tears.  
  
When Gremio died, my heart hurt because I have grown attached to him. I loved him very much but I knew he was gone. I suppose it was only right but I didn't cry at all... I think I should've cried but I have to tears. And never will have. This was how it was.  
  
I loved my father very much. Though lately I had not seen him often because of the war. This was war that had torn us apart but then it was not really like such. My father was stubborn, I suppose. I'm not saying it out of disrespect but more so out of fact.  
  
I am devoid of emotions now, I suppose. Or perhaps not. Why else should I be thinking of these things if I had no such thing? Maybe it is because of the rune, I have started to lose my emotions. Or perhaps not. Whatever it was, it was just as so.  
  
My father is lying in my arms this time. He's dying because of me. It was always because of me. Sometimes I began to think that I was Death itself. Still the others were there, convincing me that it's not true.  
  
I hate sacrifices sometimes but then this is war and in war there many sacrifices to be made.  
  
My Father still thought of me until his very last breath. He loved me more than life itself but he had a job to do and he had to fulfill it to the cost of his life.  
  
I am guilty.  
  
I am sinful.  
  
I should be detested.  
  
Not loved.  
  
Yet he still loved me. They still loved me. And the fact that they did pains me even more because I could do nothing in the hands of fate. Why couldn't I defy fate? Why can't I?  
  
The answer came. I can't deny it because fate is not unchangeable. I can still change it.  
  
Why didn't I?  
  
"My son..." My father whispered, hoarsely, pained.  
  
I held his bloodied hand in my own. Why didn't I change it? Why? Why? Why?  
  
"Father..." I whispered back.  
  
He smiled at me, weakly. "...the greatest gift a father could have... is to see his son... surpass himself..."  
  
He reached out to touch my face. I wanted the tears to come. I wanted them to flow freely but I do not have tears. I think he understood because I was his son and he knew me as much as I knew him. He was smiling and I looked down at him, sadly.  
  
"Farewell...my son..." He whispered.  
  
He continued to call out my name as he left me to a place I knew I could not follow. The Soul Eater glowed and I felt myself grow stronger. It has acquired a new soul. The soul of my father... Just like Gremio and Odessa, he had joined them within the Soul Eater...  
  
I closed my eyes and bent my head down, clutching his body to mine. He was not here anymore. I knew very well. I was alone now.  
  
Alone.  
  
The rain fell suddenly. And just as it had been, I was wet in the rain.  
  
That fact could not be changed.  
  
To be continued... 


	5. Chapter Five: Ted

"Wet In The Rain"  
by: Ellis McDohl  
first entry: January 14, 2002 (9:29 pm)  
last entry: January 16, 2002 (6:19 pm)  
disclaimer: Not mine! Never will be...  
  
  
Chapter Five: Ted  
  
The last time I saw my best friend, Ted, was when he and I parted that stormy day he gave me the Soul Eater Rune. I didn't want to leave him like that. I didn't want to leave him alone with those guards but I must because of my promise.  
  
It hurts but I could do nothing to avoid it.  
  
I'm a fool for fate...  
  
That's why when we went to Seek Valley to get the Moonlight Weed, I felt that I was going to lose someone special. Just like all the others. But there were no tears... And I didn't cry. Because I couldn't and wouldn't if I could. I should be strong.  
  
...for our promise.  
  
Windy appeared as we walked near the Moonlight Weed and she made Ted appear too but he said such odd things I know that were not words that usually came out of his mouth and heart.  
  
I knew Ted well. He speaks from the heart and laughs with such ease that one would be led to believe that he wasn't as he is.  
  
I am angry.   
  
Windy was using my best friend to achieve her goals...  
  
Everyone was being used. The emperor, the generals, my father and... Ted.  
  
She was using them all for her goals. Just like the way fate plays with the lives of everyone. And me.  
  
When Ted asked me to give the Rune back, I was torn between giving it and keeping it. This was not Ted! That's not him! I knew it! So I coolly replied that I would not give it to him...   
  
...  
  
Maybe I should've given it to him... But that's not what my heart said. It said not to give it to him. And it hurt when Windy said: "You killed your own father, sent your servant, Gremio to his death and now you want to fight your best friend?"  
  
"How sinful you are!"  
  
It hurt but sinful as I am, I must not break my promise. I should do everything to keep this promise. I should...  
  
...I am sinful and so was she...   
  
...sinful...  
  
Then Ted used his connection to the Soul Eater to talk to me. Finally! Ted! I was talking to Ted! But then, I knew this was the last time I was going to speak to him...  
  
I... Maybe I could've stopped it... But it's what he wants and yet... I should've stopped it from happening... I tried but... It's not working... Ted was after all, the Rune's former master, so the rune will obey him too...  
  
"As your former master, I wish you to take my soul!" He shouted.  
  
And his souls was taken with a bright, dark light from the Soul Eater. Windy retreated and I ran to his side, trying to, at least make the Soul Eater give back the soul to the body...  
  
But it could never be... When the body dies, the soul could never return to it...  
  
"Live your life to the fullest... for my sake too..."  
  
That's what he said. That was the last thing he had ever told me...  
  
The others had turned their head away. I could see they were sad for me and sad for Ted's fate as well. Yet I knew I had to be brave.   
  
It wasn't raining then, but that night we got back to the castle from the Dragon's Knight Fortress, it was raining.  
  
And I watched from my window as the rain fell and the heaven cried me tears... I held out my right hand, now ungloved, to the outside. The raindrops were cold... I shivered.  
  
...it was always cold...  
  
...especially when it rained and my hand was wet in the rain as my sorrow deepened.  
  
To be continued... 


	6. Chapter Six: End Of War

"Wet In The Rain"  
by: Ellis McDohl  
first entry: January 19, 2002 (10:38 am)  
last entry: January 19, 2001 (11:08 am)  
disclaimer: Not mine!  
  
  
Chapter Six: End of the War  
  
  
The heat was burning my cheeks. But this pain was something I could bear. It was, after all, only a flesh wound. Nothing more and nothing less than that. And we ran down the palace as it crumbled down.   
  
This was once a great city.  
  
This was once a great palace.  
  
But look at it burn and crumble down all because of a boy with no tears.   
  
I was not sorry to see it crumble down. But I was sorry for the people who fell because of it. So many people who died and sacrificed their lives for their beliefs and sometimes, even closing their eyes and covering their ears from the cries of people. It was sad...  
  
You know, whatever happened and whoever who won this war would've still lost.   
  
Lost so many lives...  
  
Lost so many loved-ones...  
  
I wonder how many children did I leave fatherless...? Or mothers without sons? I wonder how many wives cried, knowing their husband would never come back...  
  
This is such a sinful world that it's so sad.  
  
Yet this is the world we all live in. and hopefully we'll be able to change it so no one would have a life like Lady Windy. So full of pain and sadness and hatred. This world should be full of hope for a better beginning...  
  
I could not blame her for being what she was. And I could not blame the emperor for what he did. He only loved her.  
  
At least in the end, they found somebody to love.  
  
Flick and Viktor had disappeared, fighting in the palace. I was worried when they did not come back. But then I realized, they could not have died that easily and if they had died the Souls Eater would told me. I knew they were still alive somewhere and off to places. I knew someday I'd meet them both again. I will wait then, until we meet once again.  
  
As the palace fell, so did many great men and women...  
  
Master Mathiu had just died.   
  
Soon we will give him a proper burial. A quiet burial he had always wanted and it will be in place no one could desecrate. I wonder if he's happy. I wish he was but I knew deep inside he hated himself for being someone who could kill. I was, perhaps, like him too. I'm hated myself for fighting.  
  
But maybe now we could live peacefully...  
  
It was raining again and it stopped the flames that burned the city and the palace and everything.  
  
Do you think we'd be able to live peacefully now?  
  
Not while I'm here. I need to leave. I should stay away from people to keep the wars from starting. To keep peace... But where would I go?   
  
What am I to do?  
  
I shall sneak out tonight, when no one would see. Hopefully, as I leave, I leave with the war with me...  
  
But now, let the rain fall so to wash away the scars of the past and begin the day anew...  
  
  
End 


End file.
